


This is Us

by kadytheredpanda



Category: Buzzfeed Unsolved (Web Series), Jordan Peele's Us
Genre: Clones, Dopplegangers, Gen, in which kady uploads newass fics of hers, killer doubles, mild us spoilers, tis very short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-03-23
Packaged: 2019-11-28 19:06:11
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 960
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18212369
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kadytheredpanda/pseuds/kadytheredpanda
Summary: Very short oneshot. Shane and Ryan are attacked by people that look very familiar...





	This is Us

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: Holy shit, I’m writing something new! And it’s RPF WTF! Never thought I’d do that! It’s a very short thing, though. 
> 
> So, um. I got this idea while watching Us. IDK, I thought it’d be funny if Shane and Ryan encountered their scissors wielding dopplegangers. Mild Us spoilers. Maybe. Sorta. Just food for thought. I do wish that they played “White Rabbit” by Jefferson Airplane in the credits for reasons.

“Thanks for filling in for TJ at the last second,” Ryan told me.

“No problem, sir,” I said back.

Shane spoke this time. “No need to ‘sir’ us, uh—”

“Kitty.”

He clapped, then pointed. “Kitty! Get lots of cat puns thrown in your direction, huh? Like right meow!”

“Leave her alone,” Ryan looked at me, smiling. “Ready to film?”

I nod. Of course I was!

We began filming soon after that. Shane on the left, Ryan on the right, me behind the camera. Lighting is good, the mannequin is being freaky in the background, the camera is all set up. Everything is right. Lights camera action.

“This week on Buzzfeed Unsolved,” Ryan started, “we’re going to discuss three enigmatic cases of the paranormal phenomenon known as dopplegangers. Say Shane, that’s one more word in German you know!”

Shane fiddled with a pen. “Oh really?”

“To start with, a ‘doppleganger,’ literally ‘double goer’ in German, is a non-biological body double or apparition of someone. They are usually regarded as a bad omen, indicating misfortune and even death upon sight--”

All the lights shut off. I could hear a chair squeak as Ryan yelped.

“What the fuck?” He said after he recovered his composure. “There wasn’t an earthquake, was there?”

“I felt nothing,” Shane replied.

Something’s not right. Was that movement I saw rising behind them?

“You okay, Kitty?” Ryan asked.

“Uh—”

Some backup generator turned on, and with it, the lights. How did—

I jumped away from the camera, screaming. I shook, pointing behind them.

“What is it? Are you okay?” Shane asked before the two their heads around, Ryan more cautious than his partner.

Ryan screamed again and jumped away from his chair. Shane stayed in his seat.

Behind Shane was Shane, behind Ryan Ryan. Both wearing red pajamas of sorts with their hands behind back.

Ryan joined me behind the camera. “What the fuck?! What the fuck?!”

“Uh, wow,” non-red Shane said, blinking. “those are some sick cosplay skills. How did you do that?”

Ryan whispered in a rush: “Madej, the fuck you doing?”

Shane stood up behind his clone. “Although I don’t get the long johns get up. And how did you get in here anyway? I knew that we had some crazy fans, but this is ridicule--”

The red clad Shane made a swift movement and struck Shane. He yelled and held his cheek. A look down revealed the culprit. The biggest pair of gold scissors I’d ever seen, tips red. Ersatz Shane grinned. He opened his mouth, only no words came out, but rather guttural noises. Squeaky, rough noises that hurt the ears. Even our Shane was stunned.

Ersatz Ryan replied in the same primitive language, then looked at us and grinned too. Our Ryan hyperventilated, then jumped when his clone spoke, but in English with the same guttural tone, sounding as if he was taking big gulps whilst in the process of drowning.

“We are the Tethered! We are done staying underground while you live like kings above! Fortune for you while misfortune nurses us! Enough of this play! No more warning for you! It’s time for the untethering!”

Both wielded their weapons. As if in tandem they both walked slowly to their respective self.

“Hey, can we come up with a compromise or something?” Shane asked.

Ersatz Shane grunted and lunged. He swung and missed by an inch from Shane’s stomach.

“We need to get out of here!” Ryan declared.

“I’m gonna have to agree with you on that! Kitty, come on right now!”

Ersatz Ryan shoved the camera set up to the floor as Shane and he followed. I thought to throw the mannequin on the floor, only to realize how dumb an idea it was before joining the twosome in front of me to the hall.

“Weapons,” Ryan said between pants, “we need weapons…”

“Ryan, we’re in an office! What are we going to use, pens and maybe a baseball bat?”

I looked behind. The clones came out the film set, looking at us, grinning wide.

“Fuck! They’re here! They’re here!”

Somehow I scooted backwards until I hit Ryan. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

Apparently there was no need for apology. Maybe he couldn’t blame me.

“Run into a room,” Ryan told me, “and stay there until we or help comes for you.”

What could I do? I ran.

“Hey!” I heard Shane call, “You want us? You got us! Come and get us you two bit long underwear wearing freaks!”

Before turning the corner, I could see the clones running much faster than the real ones ever could. Both screeched a high pitched call. If Ryan and Shane could run into another room before they could, it’d be a miracle.

The room I chose turned out to be a janitor’s closet. I retreated to the furthest corner in that dark, smelly room. At least I found a place with some sort of choice of defense. I grabbed the first thing, a broom, and got down on my quivering knees.

There was just screaming. Inhuman bellowing. Scuffling. The sound of blades ripping through flesh and clanking against the floor. I can’t tell how long I heard this. Must’ve been brief but also felt like it took forever. I held that broom, choosing that over cupping my ears.

And then, silence. Or rather, silence save for my heavy breathing before I heard footsteps coming towards me.

The door opened. Shane and Ryan appeared, bloody clothes and hair dis-shoveled. Neither blinked. Shane’s cheek was whole.

Nothing was right.

Slowly, after gulping and while grasping my broom, I spoke. “Mister Bergara? Mister Madej? Are you guys alright?”

 

Ryan and Shane stared at each other, no blinking whatsoever, and then slowly faced me. Both grinned, toothy and distorted.


End file.
